Last night, I went to a mini film festival for old 1930s- 1975 era 16mm films, or infomercials or whatever. I went expecting really ghastly acting, bad sound quality, and a rather more conservative look at how people back then lived their lives. What I got was some rather over-done acting complimented by melodramatic animation, way more creative and entertaining infomercials than we have nowadays, and a three-year old Shirley Temple cast as a prostitute.
   Let me tell you right now: most fun I've had in ages. The entire thing only lasted an hour and twelve minutes, but every second of it was just unbearably hilarious. It was certainly better than expected, though there was one where the utter ridiculousness of it was particularly tickling.
   For starters, we got the really long infomercial that was meant to influence us to buy Borax products. Only, instead of just going straight for it and outright advertising the product like we do now, the people at the Borax company instead took us on a fun little journey filled with laughs and unheard of scandal. How'd they manage to get that into an infomercial for laundry products, you ask? Well, by telling a story, of course!
   This one was about a high school senior who was obsessed with doing laundry. So obsessed,in fact, that she smuggled dirty laundry into the school and stayed after hours to complete it. And apparently, she wasn't the only one. When this came to light, she was brought onto a popular T.V. show, her friends, family, teachers were all interviewed and asked where they thought they'd gone wrong with her. It was treated more like she was dealing with drugs rather than dirty socks and laundry detergents.
   They then went to an extended period where they had someone explain how exactly the Borax detergents she used in doing her laundry worked, right down to the type of water used. In fact, pretty much the whole thing after that was filled with tips on how to do laundry, made funny by how popular a topic it turned out to be among viewers of the show. In fact, it became so popular a topic that at the end she got her own T.V. show about it where people could call in and ask her laundry-related questions.
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Next, we were treated to another long one about Industry. This one, I will admit, was rather boring, though when they got to the part about Riddle Airport in Florida and spoke with amazement about how one place had even built a ramp so the forklift could actually enter the plane, I could help but laugh. They also had footage of a truck with an elevator lift, which I found most amusing.
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After that, we had a PSA-like service announcement about accidents in the workplace and all the things that can cause them. When I mentioned over-done acting complimented by melodramatic animation, I meant this one.
   They began this with showing images of various people with injuries,and then explaining that these grievous wounds did not occur during some extra-curricular activity, but in fact at their very place of work. They then went on to explain that while offices were not as dangerous as factories and should not be compared to them in any way, offices were devious and highly hazardous, a virtual prison of "wall-to-wall booby traps", was I believe their exact way of describing it.
   After they had spent about five minutes on that, we got to the main part of it. The main characters were a boss and his secretary, and it was their job to go around their office and identify all those objects which could prove possible office hazards. Some of the items on their list included open filing cabinet drawers, dustbins, electrical cords, improperly used office chairs, and doors. The identification of each object was accompanied by an animation playing out how it could then become an office hazard, including slow-motion falling and bold impact lines to indicate serious injury.
   Once they had gone around and shown us all that could go wrong, they then went about their daily office routine the "correct" way, including self-correction when they noticed that they were doing something improperly.
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Next came one I really enjoyed. It was about a man. With a lot of ducks. It opened with a huge flock of them descending upon a lake, accompanied by whimsical music perfect for the subjects. After that we saw a shot of them, hundreds of them, all converging on this one boat, swimming after it furiously, some of them even going so far as to climb onto it.
   The next shot was a land one, and focused more on the man, who had ducks following him around wherever he went and completely surrounding him with their clamorings for food. In one shot, they showed a duck sitting on his head, he fed it, and then shoved it off,and another duck flew in to take it's place following the same pattern. This one ended with a shot of one duck sticking it's head into the guy's pocket and eating from there.
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And last but not least, we had a Shirley Temple short, from 1933. This one was part of a 1932-1933 series entitled "Baby Burlesks", all of which featured toddlers as the main characters. The one we were shown was called "Polly Tix in Washington", and it was by far the funniest, even if I did have a hard time understanding all their voices.
   In this one, Shirley played a strumpet named Polly Tix, who was called in by lobbyists to influence a new senator. I note this film mainly for the footage (which I would be inclined to think wouldn't be allowed anywhere near television in the 1930s), and the slight racial play which makes an appearance.
   Quotes I find to be particularly memorable are, after having the three-year old senator practically eat her face and then declare his love for her, Polly's line "I'm expensive you know.", and then near the end of the film, when one of the lesser characters comes onto the scene after the climax and makes a great show of looking for something. After asking what it is he's looking for and recieving the answer "Prosperity", Polly then tells him "Why, prosperity's just around the corner!" and the film then ends with footage of him continuously rounding a corner.
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The last one is available for viewing on Youtube, though I'm not sure about the others. If you're interested in films like this, or just want to give them a whirl, the people who were hosting this event are a group called Cinema Bomar, and they occasionally do little showings like this (usually for free) in and around the greater Houston area. They have a website here [link]